It is 10:50 pm. Both children have been asleep since 8pm. No stirrings, no cries for mommy, no wandering out "just to see you mommy", nothing but the sound of quiet calm. I didn't even turn the TV on. After 4 weeks of struggling to get Miss Lily to go/stay in bed and 3 weeks of Miss Daisy being up every 1-2 hours, I almost feel lost. What I should be doing during this rare occasion is catching up on some hat orders or better yet, go to bed myself. Instead, here I am,
The past two days have flown by. I felt like I spent all of our time running around, trying to accomplish everything in a short amount of time. I forgot the golden rule - everything takes longer with kids in tow. It can be truly exhausting running errands with children. The in and out of the car seats, juggling the bucket seat, diaper bag, toddler and balance. Mostly it is the guilt at the end of the day. The guilt that in the process, there were too many moments that I didn't parent the way I want to. Too many "hurry ups", bribes and raised voices. I hate reflecting back on the day and seeing flashes of sad faces when I told her we didn't have time for her to do her own seatbelt up. Remembering the annoyance in my voice when the whining started. Whining that probably could have been avoided if I would have taken that extra five minutes to really listen to what she was trying to tell me. At the end of the day I want my girls to remember little moments that make them feel special. It's the little moments that add up. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will make sure to stop and let Lily pick up that mangled pine cone. Because to her that is a treasure. Tomorrow I will make sure to play one extra round of peek a boo with Daisy. Because to her that is as good as Disneyland. Tomorrow I will be the parent I strive to be.
It's 11:02. Lily is in bed with me.
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