2 More Weeks ...

C is done school in two short weeks! In two weeks I will be more organized. Maybe. Probably not. But at least I will have some extra time in the evenings to run errands and get out of the house. Alone. The simple act of running to the store for milk at 9:00 pm will save me an hour. Please don't get me wrong. I love my children to the bottom of my core and with my whole heart and more. I chose to bring them into the world which means I also bring them grocery shopping, to the mall, to the post office, to Walmart, out for lunch, to Micheal's, to wedding showers and bascially every where. They are my children and my responsibilty. BUT!! When daddy is home there is nothing better than running to Walmart ALONE to pick up a few things. Especially when I have several stops. Getting them in and out of their car seats, wrangling then through the parking lot and then keeping their little paws off everything in the store takes twice as long. I spend a lot of time with my children. We rarely go out, really don't have a "babysitter" per say (Aunty Serena has been there for us way too many times), no sleep overs at grandma and granpa's, no daycare, no dates. I know we need to get out more. Leaving my babies with someone else and taking a time out for us does not make us bad parents. I think it would make us better parents. I just have a really hard time asking people to take care of my children. Not because I don't trust anyone or I am paranoid, but because I feel guilty asking someone else to look after my babies. I hate asking for help. It is something I need to work on.

Jinx ...

I am almost afraid to type this out in fear I will jinx a good thing.

It is 10:50 pm. Both children have been asleep since 8pm. No stirrings, no cries for mommy, no wandering out "just to see you mommy", nothing but the sound of quiet calm. I didn't even turn the TV on. After 4 weeks of struggling to get Miss Lily to go/stay in bed and 3 weeks of Miss Daisy being up every 1-2 hours, I almost feel lost. What I should be doing during this rare occasion is catching up on some hat orders or better yet, go to bed myself. Instead, here I am, wasting away spending time on the computer waiting, just waiting for the first cry to shatter the silence of the night.

The past two days have flown by. I felt like I spent all of our time running around, trying to accomplish everything in a short amount of time. I forgot the golden rule - everything takes longer with kids in tow. It can be truly exhausting running errands with children. The in and out of the car seats, juggling the bucket seat, diaper bag, toddler and balance. Mostly it is the guilt at the end of the day. The guilt that in the process, there were too many moments that I didn't parent the way I want to. Too many "hurry ups", bribes and raised voices. I hate reflecting back on the day and seeing flashes of sad faces when I told her we didn't have time for her to do her own seatbelt up. Remembering the annoyance in my voice when the whining started. Whining that probably could have been avoided if I would have taken that extra five minutes to really listen to what she was trying to tell me. At the end of the day I want my girls to remember little moments that make them feel special. It's the little moments that add up. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will make sure to stop and let Lily pick up that mangled pine cone. Because to her that is a treasure. Tomorrow I will make sure to play one extra round of peek a boo with Daisy. Because to her that is as good as Disneyland. Tomorrow I will be the parent I strive to be.

It's 11:02. Lily is in bed with me.

Anything You Want ...

Me: "Lily, tomorrow after we finish our running around and you have a super duper nap, we will do something fun. Anything you want. What would you like to do?"
Lily: "I want to go camping with my cousins. It will be so much fun and make me so happy."

Frick. 

Maybe I can scrounge up some cousins and pitch a tent in the basement. 

Mother Nature Missed The Memo ...

It's April 3rd, the sun is shining and birds are singing snow is falling. I might say this every year but this year it is true. Longest. Winter. Ever. Thankfully, after mother nature shit dumped snow on us, it got warm enough to melt all of it and more. But there is still so much of the sick white stuff piled up every where that I am having trouble visioning green grass and spring flowers. Lily looked outside this morning and in a pitifully sad voice said "Oh, I'll never go outside again. It'll never ever be spring". Proof again that everyone is sick of winter. Did you hear that Mother Nature?? WE ARE TIRED OF WINTER. ENOUGH. WE SURRENDER TO YOU. I PROMISE TO NOT COMPLAIN HOW HOT IT IS. (I may complain about mosquitoes, so if you are feeling so inclined to rid us of those pesky buggers I will forgive you for this awful winter)
Lily finally got her glasses. I was dreading the fight of keeping them on her. I had bribes, threats and pleas stocked up in my mommy vault. Surprisingly I have not had to utilize very many of them at all. An occasional "you can't watch Dora until you put your glasses back on", but that is about it. I was really starting to doubt myself for not getting a second opinion. I had numerous "what ifs" looping through my head. Within 48 hours we have noticed a huge difference. First clue that they are helping - she keeps them on with minimal convincing. Obviously they have opened her world. Second clue - she is now responding much more to her shows. We always thought she was smart - even a little ahead for age. But we often commented on how she didn't interact with her favorite TV characters as we thought she should. Now she is answering all of Dora's questionings, helping Diego rescue animals and shouting out answers in Super Why. It has really opened her world. (Disclaimer; She doesn't watch that much TV) I let her watch Beauty and The Beast for the first time. She was in awe. She talked through the whole movie. It was pretty awesome to share that with her (even though it was going on 11 p.m. ) Now I have massive momma guilt for not noticing that she was pretty much blind. Her new glasses are pretty cute (confession time: I am still having a some teary moments when I see a picture of her sans glasses next to a picture of her with glasses). They really do magnify her eyes. She reminds me a little of the Jerry Maguire kid - a cuter girly version of him [shielding self from the bad mommy accusations being thrown at the screen]. I still know she is the cutest, prettiest, smartest, funniest most special little girl in the entire world!!
                                                                                                                                                                                            

As usual time is flying by. If life had a pause button I would surely use it. Daisy is 7 months old already. I seriously don't know where those seven months went. I don't feel (and I know I haven't) spent the amount of time with her that Lily got. I have constant fear and guilt that she is neglected. But then I remind myself that she happy and smart so I must be doing something right. Heck, we made seven months right :) . She got her second tooth very shortly after her first popped through and I can see number three pushing up on her poor gums. This has been a learning curve for me. Lily was shy of 11 months when she got her first tooth. Lily weaned within days of getting her first tooth. Daisy really likes her boob milk (see previous post). She likes it even more when teething. At the risk of too much info -- my nipple is so freaking sore. Between her testing those new chompers out and wanting to nurse some nights every hour *OUCH*. But it's all worth it when I see that adorable face.

Modest Moment: Frick we make cute kids.

On Friday we registered Lily for play school!! *tear* . We went to the open house and she LOVED it there. Had no issues when we left her alone for a few minutes to fill out paper work. Talked up the teachers even came out holding hands with the one when she had to use the bathroom. Another bittersweet moment in my short mommy life. I was so happy and proud of her. It warmed my heart to listen to her talk about school and how excited she is to be going. I was also a little sad to see her looking so grown up and independent. I haven't been away from her much and she leaves my side so easily.

Tomorrow I promise to get back to the Muffin Tin Meals. I have been doing them nut my creativity has been slack.

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Countdown Days:

48 days until Seasonal Camping

75 days until Rider Season /=S=/

It's all about quality of life and finding a happy balance between work and friends and family.
Philip Green